


Don't Leave Me

by CouchNinja



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bromance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, It works both ways, M/M, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), POV Merlin (Merlin), Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, You can view their relationship however you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28868871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CouchNinja/pseuds/CouchNinja
Summary: Camelot gets word that Ealdor was under attach. Merlin rushes to save them, and naturally Arthur follows. Things go horribly wrong.What can be done? Will everything work out? And as things are revealed between the prince and the servant, how does their relationship change?
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Don't Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Merlin fic. I love this show so much ( I mean, who couldn't?). If I had to put this somewhere in the story timeline, it would probably be around season two. But it's canon divergent, so that doesn't really matter.
> 
> I'm not sure if I captured Merlin's character the best. Like I said, this is my first ever attempt. But I really tried. I hope at the very least it's good from a story point of view. Let me know what you think. Should I try more Merlin fics? Any constructive criticism would be appreciated.
> 
> *****Trigger Warning*****   
> If corpses, death, or dark/suicidal thoughts would be triggering to you, do not read. Go to something a little more light hearted. I want you to be safe.
> 
> If you feel comfortable staying, I hope you like this fic, even if it is pretty dark.

Merlin stood silently by the wall during the emergency meeting. He wished he could give his input sometimes, especially in this particular meeting. But that would be way too out of line. Even for him.

He listened carefully as the Pendragons and their council talked with a messenger that had just arrived from Essetir.

"Sire, King Cenred is urgently requesting assistance," the messenger said, addressing the king. "Towns all across Essetir are being attacked and destroyed."

The messenger began to list out towns. He kept going on and on. Merlin recognized all of them. It made his stomach churn. Most of all, he felt dread that one specific town would be named. Thankfully, the messenger finished, and he hadn't heard the name Ealdor.

Uther Pendragon leaned back in his throne. He pondered everything the man had said before sighing gravely. "I am sorry, but I cannot help you."

"Father!" Arthur interjected. "You cannot be serious. King Cenred is in dire need of help. We have the men."

"Essetir and Camelot have been at war for years. We cannot send an army into his land, no matter how good our intentions might be. It might cause other kingdoms to pit war against us as well if they think we are fighting."

"And letting his kingdom be destroyed is going to help our kingdoms be on better terms?"

Uther sighed, sending Arthur a stern look. "We cannot be caught in the middle of a war. We don't even know where the army will attack next, so we would be sending our knights around aimlessly."

"I don't mean to interrupt, my lord," the messenger said. "But we do. The army is making its way around the borders of the kingdom. They are approaching the boarder near Camelot. That is why Sir Cenred sent for you. He feared they would try to overtake Camelot next, so you might as well begin your fight now on your terms."

"Do you know what town they will hit next? And when?" Arthur questioned.

"Ealdor, sir. By tomorrow morning."

Merlin felt his heart sink to the floor. This was bad/ This was very bad. 

He wanted to run. He wanted to go save them. He could do it. He had the power. He could easily get there in time and save his home town.

But for now, he couldn't do anything but stand there in silence. Because he was a servant. And that's what they had to do. So, he stared at a leg of the table, hoping the meeting would end quickly so he could rush to Ealdor's aid - with or without an army's help.

Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw Arthur turn his head around to look at him. 

Merlin felt his heart skip a beat. He knew it was stupid, but he was always flattered when the prince showed care for him. Not that Merlin would ever admit that out loud. The prince was still an arrogant prat, and Merlin would declare that to the world. But, he did enjoy his company. And, to be honest, he was glad this was the man his destiny was bound to.

Merlin dreamed they could be more than just servant and master. If they hadn't been so far apart in rank, Merlin believed they could be a lot closer than they were in reality. But that was just a dream. 

There was also the whole magic thing that was between them.... yeah. It was better that they weren't any closer.

Merlin was too focused on not storming out and then imagining Arthur going with him that he zoned out the remainder of the meeting. He did, however, perceive that the messenger was distraught and Arthur was angry. That could mean only one thing.

Ealdor was not receiving aid from Camelot.

Once the rest of the servants dispersed, Merlin quickly headed towards his and Gaius's quarters. As he walked, he saw Arthur take a step towards him. The prince probably wanted him to do something. He would just have to do that later. He left Arthur standing behind him.

In half an hour, Merlin was pulling a horse into the courtyard. He was now ready to travel to his hometown. It hadn't taken much preparation. He didn't need to bring much.

The main thing he'd done was write a note explaining to Gaius where he was going. The boy had hoped to explain it in person, but Gaius had been out with a patient. The note would have to do. 

The only other person who might question his absence was Arthur. He'd probably just assume he was in the tavern. That's what he always assumed. Which was ludicrous. But at least it gave him an excuse that wouldn't be checked. After all, the crowned prince couldn't exactly go into a dingy tavern to look for him.

As Merlin galloped out of the city, he heard the voice of the great dragon Kilgharrah in his head.

'Don't go, Emrys. This will not end well. Turn back now. Emrys. Emrys!'

Merlin ignored it. The voice would fade as the distance between them increased.

Yes, he knew this was foolish. It was rash. He had no solid plan. He was probably in way over his head. But, he didn't care. He had to do something. And this was his mother and his home in danger. He felt his irrational behavior was fairly rational. He'd do anything for them.

Merlin road hard and fast. He wanted to get there as soon as possible. He knew he'd already be pushing it with the short deadline, so he didn't want to take a break.

When his horse had drastically slowed and refused to pass a lake, Merlin begrudgingly realized that no breaks wasn't an option. He himself might not need them, but his steed did.

Sighing, he slid out of the saddle and slipped the reins over the horses neck, allowing it to lower its head for water. He patted the horses neck as he waited. He felt how sweaty the mount's coat felt and mumbled an apology for pushing him so hard.

"For crying out loud, Merlin."

The warlock spun around, reaching awkwardly for his sword. It was more for show than for practicality. He'd just use magic on the person.

Looking up, Merlin saw Arthur Pendragon sitting on his own sweaty mount. The servant breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to his horse.

"It's a miracle you're not dead yet," the prince said and he lead his own horse to water. "You are completely oblivious to your surroundings. I could have killed you before you even knew I was here."

"You'd be surprised," Merlin mumbled under his breath. If he'd been in actual danger, his magic would have warned him, and he would have taken care of it. Just like he does all the time to protect Arthur. He would just never know.

"Speak up, Merlin. You know I can't stand when you mumble like that. If you have something to say, say it to my face."

Merlin looked to the prince, who was staring intently at the water. 

It never ceased to amaze him just how different Arthur was from most of the royalty he'd encountered. He always pretended he didn't care, but he always wanted people to speak up. Especially Merlin. He wanted other's opinions. He wanted people to feel comfortable around him. And they did. All of Camelot trusted him and would do anything for him. Unlike for his father.

Most of all, he seemed to care for Merlin. Everyone talked about it. Merlin was sure they were just overreacting. The prince couldn't possibly think that way. 

Merlin cared for the prince much more than he ever would have thought. But they were just a master and servant. Nothing more. Except, would a master really come to an enemy kingdom against the king's orders just for a servant? Merlin supposed not. Maybe for a friend though. Was that really what they were?

Arthur cleared his throat. "If I die on this stupid escapade you've brought me on, I will haunt you for all of eternity."

Merlin snorted. "I didn't bring you. You did that all by yourself."

Arthur turned to his horse. "Shut up, Merlin." He swung himself into his saddle and looked at Merlin expectantly. "Well, we can't sit around all day if we want to get there in time to do any good."

Merlin shook his head. He hopped into his own saddle and followed the prince towards Ealdor. 

As they rode, Merlin realized this would be a lot more complicated with Arthur here. His tiny bit of a plan had consisted of him using his magic to stop the army. But, he couldn't do that openly in front of the prince. 

Merlin finally began to form a better plan. He could try and split himself and Arthur up during the fight somehow. Be on opposite sides of the commotion. Then, he could use his magic in his area, and Arthur would never know. Once everything was more manageable, they could recongregate and fight together. That was a good plan, right?

As the sun began to set, Merlin felt something was wrong. He couldn't tell what or why, but his stomach was sinking to his feet. He decided to trust his instincts and urged his horse to go a little quicker. Arthur followed without question.

When they were within a mile of the town, Merlin smelled smoke. And burnt flesh. He closed his eyes as he continued to gallop through the forest. He prayed that it wasn't what he thought.

Bursting through the trees, Merlin felt his heart split in two as if it had been cut by a knife. His fears were true.

Before him lay the razed town of Ealdor. His home. Gone. Everything was burned. He could smell it. He could still feel the heat emanating from it. He could see the smoke rising against the darkening sky. He could see sets of footprints over the trampled soot. There were a few awkward posts remaining here and there, but that was it.

There was no movement except that of debris in the wind. Nothing was alive. 

Merlin slid off his horse and walked through the town's remains. Maybe, just maybe, most of the people had made it out. He would find them in the woods somewhere and lead them to Camelot as refugees. That would be okay, right?

He felt something crunch under his foot, and he scrunched his eyes shut. He didn't need to look. He'd heart that sound enough from Gaius working with bones to know what it was. He took a deep breath and kept walking forward.

He approached where his house had once stood. Obviously, there wasn't anything there, but he knew what should have been. He looked across the ground, hoping to find something. Anything.

Unfortunately, he did. He saw his mother's locket. Her one accessory. Her prized possession passed down from mother to daughter for generations. She never took it off.

Merlin felt his eyes filling with tears. He quickly shook his head. He had to hold it together a little longer.

Squatting down, he reached for the locket. His fingers wrapped around the chain, and he began to pull it out of ground. It proved more difficult than he first anticipated. With a final tug, it came loose. It fell into his lap. And to his horror, some vertebrae came with it. 

He clapped his hand over his mouth to prevent himself from throwing up. His breathing quickened. He felt like his heart was about to hammer out of his chest. 

Ever since he'd seen the land, he had been emotionally numb. But now, he was angry. He was beyond angry. He hated everyone who had done this. He wanted them all dead. He didn't care what it would take. He would gladly be beheaded if it meant he had destroyed all of them with his magic.

Merlin wanted to scream to let his anger out. So, he did. He screamed so loud his own ears rang. He screamed so loud that he fell forward till his forearms lay against the ground, his head bowed. He screamed so loud that it wasn't just soundwaves pouring out of him. It was magic.

It was like a hurricane came out of him. Or lightning struck where he stood. Everything was pushed away with tremendous force. There were sparks and clangs as things flew through the air, but he didn't care. He just stayed like that, panting, until he had regained enough energy to sit up.

When he did so, he saw just how much he had done with his magic. He was in the middle of a giant crater, the soot and debris perfectly arching around him.

Merlin's eyes widened as he remembered Arthur had been right behind him. He'd seen the whole thing. He'd seen him use magic. He was screwed.

Merlin spun around to see the prince, expecting to see him enraged and ready to murder him. Instead, he was staring at the young warlock in shock. That was understandable. That would be a shocking sight to behold. But as the prince slowly tilted his head to his chest, Merlin realized that wasn't why he was in shock.

If it was possible, Merlin's heart crumbled even more as he looked at the spike sticking straight through Arthur's armor.

Merlin scrambled forward as Arthur collapsed onto the ground. He pulled the prince into his arms as he took in the puncture wound.

"No, no, no, no no!" he cried. "Don't you dare die on me here, you hear me? Don't leave me!" He felt tears running down his face, but he wiped them away. He couldn't do that now. He had to take action.

With fumbling fingers, he unlatched the armor so he was looking directly at Arthur's skin. He pulled out the spike and placed his hands over the wound. Closing his eyes, he began to chant every incantation and spell he knew for healing. He poured them out like he'd never done before. He could feel the magic coursing through him, but he knew it was a bad wound. He'd seen enough of Gaius's patients die from being impaled by much smaller objects in the same area of the body.

When he was done, Arthur seemed to be stable. The wound wasn't pouring out blood, so that was a good sign. But, by no means was Arthur healed. He needed to get back to Camelot as soon as possible. He needed a trained professional to look him over.

Merlin grabbed the prince under the armpits and dragged him towards his horse. He left the armor on the ground. He could get that later if he needed to. He hoisted Arthur onto the saddle so he was draped across it. Hastily, he mounted his own steed and rushed towards Camelot.

The ride back was a blur. He was so emotional and out of control. His entire life was falling apart around him. He knew Arthur was no longer on the brink of death. He would be okay as long as he was fully treated by Gaius. But after all the death he'd just seen, he couldn't help panicking.

Once in Camelot, guards rushed to get Arthur off his horse and lead him to the physician's chambers. One of them headed to tell the king.

Merlin was left standing alone, holding two pairs of reins. Feeling defeated and useless. Feeling like a major screw up. Overwhelmed with grief and residing anger.

He led the horses to the stables and cared for them.

The whole time, he kept seeing flashes his demolished home. And that look on Arthur's face. It would haunt him forever. But he kept working, trying to suppress the pain.

Sir Leon came to ask him what had happened. Merlin told him how he'd gone to Ealdor and Arthur had followed. He told how Ealdor had been destroyed, purposefully leaving out descriptive details as he wasn't sure he could keep his composure if he did. He lied and said that one of the soldiers had been left and snuck up behind them, sending a spike through Arthur's abdomen. Leon seemed to be satisfied with the report and went to retell it to the awaiting king.

Merlin went about the rest of the day as normal as he could. He acted on instinct more than conscious decisions. The other servants kept giving him sideways glances. Some out of pity, some out of curiosity, some out of frustration. He wasn't sure what everyone knew, but he felt bad no matter what it was.

As dusk approached, Merlin was aimlessly wandering around in hopes of finding a new task when a sudden voice startled him.

'Emrys.'

Merlin set his jaw and stiffened his shoulders. "Not now," he mumbled.

'You cannot avoid me, young warlock," Kilgharrah replied telepathically. "We must discuss your actions."

Merlin stopped in his tracks. "I don't want to."

'Emrys. Emrys. Young warlock. Emrys! Do not ignore me! Emmmmryss...."

Huffing, Merlin headed towards the cavern where the dragon awaited. Once in sight, he spread his arms out in defiance.

"What?" he asked harshly.

"What did you do today?"

Merlin turned his head away from the dragon. "You seem to know everything. You tell me."

"I know you made quite the commotion above us, and I know you used very powerful magic some time ago. But believe it or not, I am not completely omniscient."

Merlin sighed. "I nearly got Arthur killed. With my magic."

"What?" the dragon roared.

"It was an accident!" Merlin cried defensively. "I didn't know I could do that. It just came out!"

"You need to be in control! The fate of Albion rests on your shoulders! You must be able to control yourself!"

"I'm trying!" Merlin felt tears brimming at the bottom of his eyes, but he didn't care anymore. "I am being pulled in so many directions that I don't know what to do. And now everyone I grew up with is dead, so I'm sorry I got a little overwhelmed and emotional!"

"Your destiny is to protect Arthur. At all costs. Not them."

Merlin felt his jaw drop. He had no response for that. Sure, he knew it was true. His destiny lay with Arthur, ensuring that he became the great king he was to become. But that didn't mean he wanted to hear that his friends, his people, his own mother were expendable for that cause.

He snapped. "You don't understand! What it's like! That was my mother! My mother! Those people were like my family! And now I'm the only one left! You don't understand!"

Kilgharrah chuckled humorlessly, a deep sadness evident in his eyes. "Oh, I don't? I believe you have forgotten yourself, young warlock. I know full well what it is like to be the last."

Merlin gulped. Oh yeah. Of course. He was the last dragon. There were no others left. He knew Merlin's pain too well. Except, his was worse because he was trapped and chained under the castle of a man who had killed his species. And there was nothing he could do about it. Merlin felt guilty for yelling now. Kilgharrah was in a much worse state than him. And all he was doing was rubbing it in his face.

"But I know my place," the dragon continued. "That is to guide you. I have been very patient staying here - even though you promised to set me free some time ago - to fulfill that role. Now, you must get over yourself and do the same. You must stay by Arthur's side and protect him. No matter what is happening to you."

Merlin hung his head. "Are you sure that isn't going more harm than good?"

He didn't wait for Kilgharrah to respond. Merlin turned and walked through the tunnels back to the castle.

He felt numb. He knew he should be trying to fix things. For crying out loud, he should be making sure Arthur was okay. And if he wasn't, he should learn how to better healing magic. He should probably do that anyway. But, at the way things usually went for him, he'd just end up killing the crowned prince or whoever else in the process.

He really felt like he just brought Arthur harm. Sure, he saved his life more times than the future king would ever know. But, he was also the reason he had to be saved so many times. Arthur got into those situations because of Merlin. Maybe if he was a better servant and just did his job and stayed put, these things wouldn't happen. Maybe if he didn't stir up things with magic, danger wouldn't keep coming. Maybe then that army wouldn't be taking over Cenred's kingdom and eventually come for Camelot.

Maybe it was just all his fault. He was the bane of everyone.

Merlin trudged around the castle, performing various tasks that he could find. His heart wasn't in any of it. He couldn't bring himself to care about anything. People still kept staring at him. He supposed he deserved it. A few people asked if he was okay, but he brushed them off, saying he had to work. He would hastily find a task to do to distract himself from the truth.

Because he wasn't okay.

He just wanted it all to be over. He wanted to go back in time and never come here. He wanted to be with his mother and his childhood friends. Sure, he would be terrified of letting his magic be known to everyone, but it wouldn't be any more of a problem there than it was here. At least back at Ealdor, he would have his mother. Who he loved. Who he would never be able to see again. Because he wasn't good enough. 

He shouldn't have left all that time ago. Screw his destiny. If he had never learned about his destiny, he wouldn't be bothered by his screwing up of it now.

Around midnight, there were no more of his chores to be done. He tried to work in the kitchens, but he was kicked out. They said he was being reckless and he needed rest. Begrudgingly, he stumbled home. Well, it wasn't his home. His home was gone.

Hoping to find some comfort in sleep, he pushed open the door. To his heart's dismay, he was greeted by the image of Arthur lying unconscious on a cot.

Merlin walked closer to the prince. He hadn't taken a look at him since Gaius took him away. He'd sort of avoided it.

As he drew nearer, Merlin was relieved to see Arthur looking better. Some of the color was returning to his skin. He no longer looked on the brink of death. That was a plus.

Wonder how long it would take before he inevitably lay on this bed again because of another Merlin screw up.

Merlin sighed heavily. He knew he was just exhausted and overly emotional, but he felt so horrible. He felt like a failure. Well, he was a failure.

A thought struck Merlin, and he stumbled away from the prince.

Arthur knew of his magic. Yeah, Merlin already knew that Arthur had seen it, but the extent of that knowledge hadn't really clicked until now. 

Arthur knew. What would he do about it? Surely, he would be angry. For crying out loud, he'd almost been killed by the magic he saw. There was no way that would help him see the benefits and good-natured side of magic. He'd probably see why his father was so against it. He'd probably tell Uther of Merlin's power, and then the boy would be burned alive.

Merlin felt his back slam into a shelf behind him. He sensed something falling and stuck out his hand to catch it before it smashed on the ground.

Looking down to see what he caught, he saw a vial of poison. Merlin always forgot that Gaius had these. The physician rarely used them. In fact, there was only one instance that Merlin could recall of the man using this specific poison. 

It was on a soldier in extreme agony. There was no way he would have gotten better. He was bound for an extremely long and excruciating wait for death. He'd begged with all his fellow soldiers and his family to put him out of his misery, but they wouldn't do it. Finally, Gaius had taken a bit of this poison and put it in his food. It allowed him to slip away peacefully. The action had haunted Gaius, but watching the man suffer would have been even worse.

A thought popped into Merlin's head. It honestly scared him. But, it also brought a wave of uncaring peace over his body.

If he downed this liquid in his hand, he wouldn't have to be hurting anymore. He wouldn't be in grief. He wouldn't be harming those around him. He was sure everyone would be happier with someone else around. They'd manage just fine. Anyone could do his jobs, really. He wasn't that grand. Only his magic was. And that only brought hurt.

But, no. He could never do that to.... To who? Who would stop him? His mother? Gone. His friends and neighbors? Gone. Or at least gone from Camelot, like Lancelot. The dragon chained up that couldn't go anywhere? Yeah, he wouldn't do anything. The servants and soldiers in the castle? Anyone could do his job, so they wouldn't even notice he was gone. So, Gaius was the only one who would actually care. And surely the man would be relieved to have a better apprentice. One who he didn't have to worry about all the time and clean up after.

So, really, it would be better for everyone if he was gone.

Shaking, Merlin sat down on a stool. He felt completely dissociated from reality. His body moved almost without his permission. Although, he would have given it permission anyway, so that didn't really matter. Slowly, he popped the cork out of the vial. His heart began to pound in his chest. His breathing quickened. Everything around him seemed to speed up and slow down at the same time. That didn't make any sense, but he didn't really care. He gulped. Tears began to well at the bottom of his eyes, but he ignored them. No reason to get scared now. It was for the better.

He closed his eyes. With a shaky hand, he began to raise the vial.

"You got a potion to make me all better?"

Merlin's eyes snapped open. He was so shocked he actually dropped the vial. He felt it shatter at his feet, but he didn't care.

He stared at Arthur, whose head was slightly turned towards him. The prince's eyes were barely open. He was clearly still quite out of it. But he must have opened his eyes just enough for a moment to see Merlin holding the vial.

"Well, I hope that wasn't my cure," the prince said, his voice very raspy from not being used. "You really should be more careful, Merlin. I'm honestly not sure how you manage if you drop everything."

Merlin opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He was honestly too shocked. He hadn't been expecting Arthur to wake up. Especially not now. Not when he was about to....

"Oh, come on, Merlin. Lighten up. Talk to me. I hate to admit it, but I do enjoy your incessant babbling. Maybe it'll lull back to." Arthur tried to shift himself to face Merlin, but a sharp pain at his wound caused him to gasp. 

Immediately, Merlin scrambled forward and pushed the prince back down. "Don't do that. You have to rest."

Wincing, Arthur nodded his head. "I remember that now." He paused. "Thanks for that."

Merlin felt his heart ache at those words. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean... I... I would never hurt you on purpose... I only use it to help you... I... I didn't know I could do that...."

To the warlock's surprise, Arthur laughed. He grimaced at the motion, but quickly moved past it. "I truly doubt that. After all the times you've used magic, I find it hard to believe you don't know what you're capable of."

Merlin stared at him blankly. "What?"

Arthur closed his eyes and shook his head. "You must really think me a complete idiot. I'm not that naive, Merlin. I know you've been using magic for a long time. Why do you think I pick on you so much for not being able to keep a secret if your life depended on it?"

Merlin opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. His brain couldn't take this much shock. He had mental whiplash. His emotions had switched so rapidly. He had already been having problems processing everything else he was feeling. But adding the revelation that Arthur had known all along. He was speechless.

"Well, don't just sit there with your mouth open. Say something."

The only thing Merlin could manage to say was, "Your eyes are closed. You can't even tell if my mouth's open."

Arthur gave his typical smile at the comment. "Stop being a smart aleck, Merlin."

Merlin couldn't explain it, but that smile and comment made all his negative feelings seem less intense. He felt like it would all be okay. Arthur might not be healed fully, but he would be. And he didn't seem to view Merlin as a traitor. Maybe everything wouldn't be horrible. Sure, everything else in Merlin's life still seemed to be wrong, but at least he had Arthur.

Merlin frowned at this. He felt guilty for feeling that way. He shouldn't dismiss everything else because of the prince. And it wasn't like the prince viewed him the same way. Sure, they were closer than Arthur was with any of the other servants, but that was just because they spent more time together. Arthur would never see Merlin as anything more than a servant.

But then, why did he always follow him? Why did he go to Ealdor? Twice now? Why was he willing to get hurt or worse to protect Merlin? To protect someone he had known all along had had magic? Why was he nice to Merlin at all?

"Spit it out," Arthur mumbled. "You're thinking so loud I can practically hear it. There's no way that can be healthy."

Merlin smirked slightly. "Well, you wouldn't know much about thinking, now would you?"

Arthur snorted. "Oh, just spit it out. Come on. Don't make me order you."

Merlin breathed in slowly. Should he ask it? Should he really ask it? What if he was making it up in his head? He would make a fool out of himself. Although, he'd already done enough of that for it not to make that big of a difference. And if he was lucky, Arthur might not even remember this whole interaction since he was still pretty out of it.

In a moment of rash bravery, Merlin blurted it out. "Why do you help me? Why do you follow me? Why? I don't understand."

Arthur's face grew somber at the question. Merlin feared he'd offended the man. With every passing moment of silence, Merlin's panic intensified. He knew he shouldn't have said anything. He was such a screw up. He should just leave the prince be. For crying out loud, he needed his rest. Merlin should just....

"Do you really not know?" Arthur asked. His almost grievous tone took Merlin by surprise.

Merlin shook his head. "No."

Arthur turned his head to Merlin, opening his eyes to meet his gaze. "Because.... I care, Merlin. I care... about you. I don't want you hurt. I want to see you happy and okay. I know I'm bad at showing it, but.... You're the closest thing I have.... And I feel like, maybe, you feel... the same?"

Merlin felt his heart skip a beat. He searched the prince's eyes for any sign of trickery, but there was none to be found. He was being serious. He actually cared. And... felt the same way as Merlin.

He saw Arthur's eyes growing worried. He didn't understand this until he realized the prince was waiting for a response.

Feeling heat rush to his face, he nodded fervently. "Yes. I do... Feel the same way."

Still looking at Merlin, Arthur rested his head on the cot and smiled from ear to ear. It was contagious. Merlin found himself returning to expression.

"Now, that's a better look for you," Arthur said. "Sulking really doesn't suit you."

Merlin shrugged. "Dying doesn't suit you either."

Merlin's eyes widened as he realized something. He'd been so caught up in his head and in talking with Arthur that he forgot Gaius should be told the prince was awake.

Merlin stood up so fast that he flipped the stool. "I gotta go find Gaius. He'll want to know you're awake. I don't know why he isn't here. He must have been called somewhere. He'll still want to be told you're awake though. I better go find...."

Merlin was cut off when a hand wrapped around his wrist. It startled him. Looking down, he saw the prince had closed his eyes again.

"Don't. I think I'm gonna go back to sleep, so there's no urgency. Just tell him I woke up when he comes back."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I'll leave you be then, so you can...."

Arthur's grip on Merlin tightened. "Don't leave me. I don't like when you're gone." His voice was so soft. He was clearly growing very tired. He was quite vulnerable from fatigue too. He never would have admitted that if he was alert.

The young warlock stood in shock once again. He wouldn't be surprised if it was his eternal state of being at this point.

He realized that if Arthur hadn't woken up when he did, he would be completely without Merlin. Permanently. In fact, he would have probably been the first to see Merlin dead. That would have crushed him. That would have done so much more harm than good. 

In that moment, Merlin vowed to never let himself get to that point again. No matter how much he hated himself. No matter how useless or how much of a failure he felt like. No matter what the world threw at him. No matter what was falling apart in his life. He would persevere. Not for himself, but for Arthur. He would live for Arthur.

Merlin sat down on the stool. "I'm not going anywhere," he said softly. He shifted his wrist out of the prince's hold so he could grasp his hand.

Arthur smiled slightly as he continued to drift off to sleep. He would never know the full depth of the word's he'd just heard. In fact, he wouldn't remember most of this conversation. All he would know was that he was closer to Merlin than ever before, and he wouldn't change it for the world.

Everything would be alright if the prince and the warlock had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it.
> 
> And always remember, you're not alone. There's always someone out there who cares about you more than you know. You are loved.
> 
> Be safe!


End file.
